Building A Sex-Positive Future For Women
Updated: June 19, 2022 9 min read
When was the last time you had a healthy discussion on individual sexuality, especially if you are a woman? Your sexual needs? Sexual freedom? Probably never. And that’s the case for the majority of women, especially in India.
I believe female sexuality and pleasure have been marginalized for a long time. And to step into a hopeful tomorrow, some definitions and beliefs need to be reshaped.
This blog talks about some effective ways to build a sex-positive future for women. So, make sure to read in full.
How to Build A Sex-Positive Future For Women?
1. Redefining "Sex" and "Pleasure"
A sex-positive future for women means including women in the broad term "sex."
I believe sex for women has become a biased experience where women struggle with a "pleasure gap." As men bask in the glory of their dominance and masculinity, a woman's pleasure and desire are often disregarded.
Billie Quinlan, in her Ted Talk, talks about something similar. She says that we (women) understand orgasm as partner satisfaction and an absence of pain. Therefore, we set the bar so low that we consider ourselves satisfied if it doesn't hurt.
The understanding of orgasm and pleasure is so twisted that even women do not consider it something worth having or enjoying.
According to a study, 14% of women under 35 have never experienced orgasm during intercourse. These disappointing statistics paint a picture of how a woman's pleasure does not fit the patriarchal definition of sex.
More so, a women’s desires are thrown out the window as she is seen as an "object to fulfill a man's desire" even in the twenty-first century. Therefore, it’s of utmost importance that we redefine sex and pleasure in it’s true sense that’s equal for men and women.
2. Men's Awareness and Perception
In research on male undergraduates, even when the women's nonverbal indications of sexual desire were kept constant, the average participant judged women who were dressed provocatively and were more normatively desirable to be significantly more sexually interested than other women at the time.
Studies like these present strong proof that men's perceptions of women's sexual interests and pursuits are derived from the allegedly "wrong" factors. Therefore, awareness is required in order to set the perceptions right and to ensure that they’re derived from the right factors.
3. Safe Sex and Consent
Sex education is supposed to make us more aware of our bodies, safe sex, and the outcomes, right? However, the reality is far from it. Millennials and teenagers are scared/embarrassed when it comes to pregnancy, masturbation, sex, and pornography. And this leads to poor awareness and wrong perceptions.
The matter of ‘consent’ is even more twisted. According to a poll, someone who "engages in foreplay such as kissing or touching" consents to "further sexual activity."
This behavior demonstrates the idea of consent many Millennials have. However, this behavior is not right. One must explicitly ask for consent instead of wrongfully assuming such cues or gestures to be an invitation to sex.
Fortunately, you and I can change that by taking the first step towards awareness and can begin by understanding the following:
- Consent is important. And making assumptions about consent is wrong.
- It's okay to change your mind about sex.
- Practicing safe sex is vital to your health.
- Learning about safe sex isn't a taboo but necessary for your well-being.
- Communicating about your needs as a woman or man is important.
- You need not be embarrassed by your sexual needs or choices.
- Never hesitate to reach out to a trustworthy OBGYN. They are here to help.
Once you free yourself from the inhibitions set by the society around sex and educate yourself, you take a step toward exploring your sexual interests and choices.
4. Setting Healthy Boundaries
Along the same lines, I hope you'll agree with me that boundaries play a very significant role in sexual life. For instance, it is entirely okay to tell your partner what you are not comfortable with and ask them to refrain from doing that.
However, it is essential to understand that setting boundaries is not synonymous with being "playing hard to get." Many women silence their needs and desires to be liked or accepted by their partners or to be appreciated by their partners, even if it means making themselves uncomfortable.
If you’re doing something similar, you’re actually blurring the lines between healthy sex and forced sex. If you feel your boundaries are being challenged, you can speak up. That's a sign of being an adult who is comfortable with their body and also comfortable with their sexuality. There is no need to be judged, and you do not need to justify your boundaries.
5. Being More Open to A Healthy Sex Life
The concept that female sexuality must be controlled, suppressed, and discouraged drives sex-negative culture. Not being able to discuss sexual concerns or disease adds fuel to this fire.
It's critical to get tested for STIs if you're about to start a new relationship or if you and your partner are considering not using condoms or other barrier birth control methods. Commonly STD tests are done via blood & urine tests, swabs, and HPV testing.
Similarly, consulting non-judgmental gynecologists or medical experts is also the right way to have a healthy sexual life. Your sexual health trumps what society has to say about your sexual choices. This is why being in control and seeking guidance are essential.
Climax
"I hate society's notion that there is something wrong with sex. Something wrong with a woman who loves sex.", says Alessandra Torre, NY Times Bestseller.
As the endorsers of a sex-positive culture continue to grow and initiate change and more awareness replaces biased principles, a sex-positive future can be achieved with our collective efforts.
On an individual level, I encourage you to explore, experiment, and educate yourself about women's sexuality and keep debunking myths, notions, and beliefs that no longer serve a sex-positive culture.
